I was looking at wedding dresses earlier. This would be a dress I would want. Of course if it looked ok on me.

BUT.. of course…

I’m never getting married. Because no one will ever love me. No one would ever want to marry this piece of shit. I’m fat, ugly, and stupid beyond belief. 

So that dress is just a pipe dream.
Something that will never come true, or happen. 

And that’s ok.

I won’t be alive much longer to see how no one will ever like me.

I was looking at wedding dresses earlier. This would be a dress I would want. Of course if it looked ok on me.

BUT.. of course…

I’m never getting married. Because no one will ever love me. No one would ever want to marry this piece of shit. I’m fat, ugly, and stupid beyond belief.

So that dress is just a pipe dream.
Something that will never come true, or happen.

And that’s ok.

I won’t be alive much longer to see how no one will ever like me.

This is me, for sure. Soon.

This is me, for sure. Soon.

5 notes

I need to go to walmart and get new work pants..

I wish I wasn’t such a lazy son of a bitch person with high anxiety..
If I wasn’t that.. I would be able to just go to walmart and get pants..
Fucking hate myself so much.

I hate being awake, well because of everything that goes on (life).
And I hate sleeping because my bed is horrible beyond belief. It’s breaking my back very slowly. I lay on two sheets, two comforters and a pillow right under my back.
I just hate being alive.

Now you are probably saying “there are people out there that don’t even have a bed”. Well I’m sorry. Call me shallow. Call me a horrible person. I already know these things. But thinking about others not having a bed, does not make my back any better.

I will lose all feeling in my hands, feet, legs and back, soon enough. I am telling everyone. I should not be working this damn hard. But the good thing, when that does happen, I may be able to sue the shit out if the company I work for.

I was seriously considering leaving. My gas tank is full. I don’t need to pack much stuff. And I have a bit of money. I would just have to find any other job before my car payment was due, so I don’t lose that.

I would love that very much. Just to leave all of this.

I mean leaving is better than suicide..right?

Yeah and IM pathetic and stupid.
I feel like I can’t post anything on twitter, things I want to say or say to other people because I get judged.
I get that I shouldn’t care what other people say..or think. But they tend to tell me how they feel about me posting stuff and I’m tried of hearing it.

That’s why I like to come on here. Say what I want. And go. No drama. No messages. Just get it out and no judging. Mostly it’s because no one listens and I have no friends..but I’ll take it.

Gotta love when people tell you to stay strong.

Hey..people.

It’s kind of hard/impossible to stay strong, when you were NEVER strong in the first place.

I hate living.
I simply just hate it.
I’m not even taking care of myself anymore.
Eating horribly. I wish that it would kill me.
I don’t want to die, because that’s it.
But I don’t want to live at all either.

I wish my sister wasn’t home sleeping right now.. I would punch so many more holes in my walls. This house is a huge piece of shit anyway. It’s been dying for 20 years. A few holes won’t make a damn difference.

I say this a lot, but I am such a horrible person. A horrible friend, sister and daughter.

Not to mention lazy. I am so lazy as fuck. But mostly that’s because of the depression.

I want help. I do. I was telling my coworkers I wanted to call the doctor. Get help. But my anxiety is so beyond horrible, that will never happen. Hasn’t happened in over a year now.

I wish this could all just stop. All of it. I pray everyday that I will be taking out of here. I don’t want to leave. But I also very much do, because there is nothing here for me.

Simply a huge, fat, ugly, stupid, talentless waste of space.

I’m pretty done with everything.

I don’t believe I’ll be getting anymore tattoos for a little while.
I just got one yesterday (8-21-14) and I’m sure it will be the last. At least for a while or so.
Something just hit me when I was getting it.
Not really sure what it was.
I do know I’m tired of being made fun of for the ones I have. Mostly all of them have to do with a band or song.
So what?! That’s what I love. Tattoos should be things you love, or whatever the hell YOU want.
You have no idea how tired I am of hearing “are you British? Talk in a British accent.”
Just leave them alone.
My tattoos are what I, and only I, want. And love.
SO STOP MAKING FUN OF ME AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
The laughing hurts.

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I’ve been feeling like this all day.. I think this is finally it..
I just have too.
I can’t keep waking up everyday feeling like this.
I know I’ll never be able to do it..
BUT I REALLY WANT TO!!
I wish I was strong enough to go through with it.
Why can’t I just die naturally already?
It’s gotta be my time to go.
I mean I’m giving it up!
Take me and save someone who wants to still live!

I need to get out of here.
Out of this house.
Out of this city.
Out of this state.
Out of this country.
Out of this world.
I just have to get out.

I am crying so hard right now. 
I can’t even move.

I know everyone is so upset of this whole thing. He was an amazing actor and even more amazing man (which I’ve heard). But I feel a little different about it than other people might. When I saw he died I was so upset. When I saw it was a suicide, something felt weird. I wasn’t upset anymore. I mean he made it 63 years!! That’s HUGE! To be able to make it with depression for THAT long. I can’t even do 25.. 

But than I found this. I just assumed he died by drugs. That seems to be the norm at least..

But it wasn’t drugs.. 

He killed himself the exact way that I have thought about killing myself. The EXACT WAY! I saw in a tv show one (CSI or something) a guy hung another man with a belt around a door handle.. I didn’t know that was possible. Ever since I’ve seen that, I can’t stop thinking about how easy it is. Once I was so damn close to doing it. I had this belt.. But I didn’t. Not that time. I have nothing around that I could hang from, so the door handle seemed like a good idea. 

To just read that and know that.. I lost it. And the fact that he cut his wrist..

IS THIS FUNNY TO ANYONE ANYMORE?? Is making fun of cutting or suicide funny anymore?? Can you still makes jokes?? Is depression still just a thing that someone can just get over?? This is still a serious disease that can kill anyone! Even a 63 year old, amazing, man who had so much going for him. It’s not a joke. We can’t just make it stop and think happy thoughts. 

My biggest thing is I REALLY pray that he is happy now. He is finally getting peace and is really happy. That his soul is extremely happy!

No family should have to go through with any of that. They shouldn’t. But people need to also realize that the person IS in fact thinking of their family, even if they are leaving them behind. 

I just hope Robin rests in peace and happiness now, and that his family and friends can get though this very hard time without him in their life. 

RIP Robin Williams

I am crying so hard right now.
I can’t even move.

I know everyone is so upset of this whole thing. He was an amazing actor and even more amazing man (which I’ve heard). But I feel a little different about it than other people might. When I saw he died I was so upset. When I saw it was a suicide, something felt weird. I wasn’t upset anymore. I mean he made it 63 years!! That’s HUGE! To be able to make it with depression for THAT long. I can’t even do 25..

But than I found this. I just assumed he died by drugs. That seems to be the norm at least..

But it wasn’t drugs..

He killed himself the exact way that I have thought about killing myself. The EXACT WAY! I saw in a tv show one (CSI or something) a guy hung another man with a belt around a door handle.. I didn’t know that was possible. Ever since I’ve seen that, I can’t stop thinking about how easy it is. Once I was so damn close to doing it. I had this belt.. But I didn’t. Not that time. I have nothing around that I could hang from, so the door handle seemed like a good idea.

To just read that and know that.. I lost it. And the fact that he cut his wrist..

IS THIS FUNNY TO ANYONE ANYMORE?? Is making fun of cutting or suicide funny anymore?? Can you still makes jokes?? Is depression still just a thing that someone can just get over?? This is still a serious disease that can kill anyone! Even a 63 year old, amazing, man who had so much going for him. It’s not a joke. We can’t just make it stop and think happy thoughts.

My biggest thing is I REALLY pray that he is happy now. He is finally getting peace and is really happy. That his soul is extremely happy!

No family should have to go through with any of that. They shouldn’t. But people need to also realize that the person IS in fact thinking of their family, even if they are leaving them behind.

I just hope Robin rests in peace and happiness now, and that his family and friends can get though this very hard time without him in their life.

RIP Robin Williams

2 notes

Damn.. I have never felt the urge so badly to kill myself than today.
I’m fucking even cutting myself at work..seriously, it can’t get much worst than that. And it’s WHILE I’m helping people.
I just feel so damn horrible.

callmelittleblackdress:

is anyone else almost 22 and incredibly sexually attractive to luke? he’s 18 though.. like its legal…its only 4 years…

i need a boyfriend… 

no i just need friends.. 

I’ll be 25 soon… Luke is pretty damn attractive. 7 years!! Think about that.. Ha

3 notes